Zits and Wrinkles

To me, it isn't fair to have both.  The time in your life when you are supposed to have pimples, is typically a time long before wrinkles.
I have wrinkles.  I still get zits.  Not all of the time but enough to really kind of piss me off.  At least enough to make it the subject of my writing today.  Such bullshit.  There is one just on the inside edge of my left eyebrow right now that is throbbing as I sit and type.  I am calling it "Inspiration."  In an attempt to see if I like it anymore.

I understand if you don't want to read about my skin.  Go do something fun.  I am OK with it.  Maybe tomorrow will be about something more to your liking.  Or, go wash your face...just in case.

Here is the thing.  I am clean.  I wash my face.  There may be the occasional night that the extra glass of wine might lead to my focusing less (or not at all) on the task...but overall, I keep up with very acceptable hygiene practices.

So, if I could, I would tell my 14 year old self...Sitting 4 inches away from the sunlamp (just a bulb...not a bed) that your Dad bought for some strange reason is a stupid idea.  It is a BAD idea to do it all.  What is the worst possible idea related to said sun lamp?  Sitting in 4 inches away from it and using the max timer of ten minutes...three consecutive times.
My fourteen year old self would have argued, "But all of my friends went away for spring break?!?!?!?   They are going to be tan.  I want to be tan, too!"  I didn't really think through the whole well only your face is going to be tanned?  The rest of you is still pretty pale.  It is the end of winter in Ohio.
Since Al Gore had not yet invented the Internet, I couldn't show myself a picture of what a face with first and second degree burns would look like.
Instead, I did it.  Three times.  In a row.  My face was red.  And HOT.  I went downstairs.  I was maybe a little worried that the stinging was getting progressively worse rather quickly.
My Mom looks up from making dinner.  "Did you use that lamp?"
"Yeah," I answer.
"Just now? For how long?" she pushes.
"Just a couple of minutes," I lie.
Moms know liars.  At least my Mom did.  Side note:  she could be face down in bed in the morning before school and I could go in and just say I was sick.  No lights, no fever check, nothing.  "Go back to be, honey."  It only worked when I was really sick!!!!  Believe me, I tried it on non-sick days.  Same setup.  She is face down.  Doesn't see me...only hears my best fake sick voice.  "Go to school, " she would demand.  How did she know? 
Back to the 14 year old dumb ass.
"Your face is bright red?  How long did you use it?"
"Ten minutes. Twice."  Liar.
It isn't an hour before I begin to understand the terrible mistake I made.  My face felt as is it were on fire.  Like sun poisoning with rubbing alcohol applied to it.

I hid in my room.  Couldn't sleep.  Took Tylenol...didn't make a dent.  It was an awful, terrible night.  By morning, my top lip was a long worm like looking blister.  There were blisters all over my face.  It was incredibly  painful.  And quite disturbing to look at.    She took me to the doctor.  "What can we do?" she asked the doctor.
"Throw out the tanning lamp," was the doctor's answer.  He gave me some kind of antibiotic ointment that was supposed to have pain relief included.  It didn't.

It was worse the next day.  Blisters were bigger.  I had to drink from a straw because my mouth couldn't really move.  After a few more days, they started to dry up and peel and it look as if you could grab the skin at my jaw and pull my whole face off.  I missed the first few days of school after spring break while it healed.  All the girls were golden brown all over when I did go back.  I looked like I had such had some kind of serious chemical peel...before chemical peels even existed, I think?  Definitely goes on the list of unbelievably stupid things I have done.  There are more.  Stay tuned.
Why did my Dad buy the thing?  I never asked that.  I just remember we were all so excited that he did.

So, I am no dermatologist.  (Obviously)  But I think it is safe to say that the wrinkles I have may be partially caused by that incident.  Oh, and the summers I spent by the pool and the beach trying to get as tan as I could.
Laugh lines are OK, I guess.  Permanent skin damage because of the vanity of a goofy 14 year old girl?  Can't change it.  Zits?  Come on.  Enough is enough.

 Wash your face.  Moisturize.  Wear sunscreen.