I was hit from behind a year and half ago by an uninsured driver who was going about 40 MPH when my stopped car stopped him. There had been several calls to the police about his dangerous highway driving...high speeds, erratic lane changing, etc. I was stopped at a red light on an exit ramp behind a big semi truck. The exit ramp is long and I had checked my mirror less than 30 seconds before and he was not there. Nothing behind me. It was the strangest sound. And feeling. He hit me very hard. And it sounded like a gunshot. A very nearby gunshot. One that plays often in my mind.
There was a policeman who pulled up immediately. He had been on the overpass watching for this driver.. The other guy wasn't hurt. I am pretty sure he was jacked up on something. I was shocked. Scared. But...it appeared...unhurt. His car was not drivable. Mine was pretty messed up in back but I could drive. It was a cold day and a little snow had fallen but the roads were completely clear. The grass had a little bit of a dusting.
I went into work for a few minutes but was so shaken up, I opted to take the afternoon off. My neck and head were hurting.
Two days later I got sicker than I have ever been. Seriously. Like at-the-doctor-three-times-in-ten-days -and-nothing-works-please-help-me sick. I couldn't speak at all for three full days. No voice. Pain all over. Everywhere. Headaches. Complete exhaustion. Sleep wasn't even a relief. It could have been a coincidence. I could have gotten some nasty bug that just happened to have found it's way into my system right around the time of the accident. I think it is more likely that I was rocked so hard that my body didn't know what to do. So, it got sick. Now, I am fully aware that people are in terrible, awful car accidents all of the time with much more serious and even deadly results. I get that. I am not minimizing that fact at all.
What I am working on is how much driving has made me afraid. That every day, drivers trust that everyone else is going to do what they are supposed to do. That "the others" aren't going to text (just a quick one) or eat or put on makeup. Or fall asleep. Or run a red light because...well...because they can. And do. Or reach for a straw on the floor so that they can drink their 700 calorie Starbucks shit drink. We just trust that they know the laws and are committed to driving within those laws. That they aren't lost in thought worried about the bank calling again. Or finding a job. Or keeping a job. Or which candidate can really make their life better. (riiight.) Or their very sick child or parent or sister or Uncle. Or any one of a million distractions that takes them away from the very important focus needed to be a good driver. So, we drive along in these vehicles that weigh thousands of pounds and we stay in the lines and stop at red lights and just assume that every other driver will do the same.
I have become so conscious of the driver that is weaving a bit, or driving below the speed limit on the highway. Why? Because 10 times out of 10...that idiot is doing something on their phone. I would bet someone talking on their phone turns left on red in front of me 9 times a week. It used to be the big worry was drunk driving? I think the majority of drunk drivers are at least trying to drive the speed limit. (Again...there are of course, exceptions to this rant.) But this whole mobile technology thing has made us even more callous toward one another.
You think that texting your girlfriend about your bad day at work matters much more than my getting home safely to my family? It doesn't. I know you are totally fine texting and driving. Seriously. You do it all of the time.
Or, OK, I know. You the one who NEVER texts in the car. Too dangerous. But you do talk on the phone. Mindlessly. Completely unaware of who is over your left shoulder as you change lanes with no check, no idea and certainly, no signal.
This is not how are minds work. Literally. Drive, talk, hold a phone, be aware, anticipate....we can't do all of it at once. There is always some ass clown who says that they can do all of that just fine. I say. must be nice for you. But you lie about other stuff, too.
So, I try not to get too fixated on the whole thing. 'Cuz if I do, I won't ever leave the house. And that is not a viable option. I still have to drive to the chiropractor a couple of times a month because, it appears, my neck may never be pain free again. I have to get groceries. Take my Mother-in-law or Aunt to a doctor's appointment. Go to dinner and a movie with my husband who I don't see nearly often enough. All of those driving things. (I could move to a city where I don't have to drive but then I can't help with the family stuff. Plus, I would just find some other rant for my soap box.)
In closing, I want you to get home safely to your place...whatever that is. So, I will pay attention. No phone call is worth you or me not getting there.
You in?Hyper. Alert.
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