I often wonder how many of us really has that one person. Secretly or otherwise. You know who I am talking about?
That one?
If your mind goes automatically to that one person that holds a place in your heart, mind, fantasies that no one else does...that is not where I am going with this one. If right now you are grinning thinking of the one that- whatever...you fill in the blank- will always be magically special to you...come back to me. I am happy for you that you began to think about that one if it makes you feel all tingly or fuzzy or horny or whatever. I want to ask about a different one.
I mean the one that you know you shouldn't give one more moment of rent free space in your heart or your head but the eviction notice just doesn't stick?
The one that makes you question every inch of your own character because you let that person into your life? For a minute, an hour, a weekend, a year, a marriage?
The one that even after hundreds of hours and hours of therapy and book reading and happy saying collecting can still seem to strike like cobra that has been lying in the grass waiting for you?
The one that the rational part of your mind tells you is sick and needs help and even that isn't enough to allow to find any compassion for the person?
The one who is capable of such amazing cruelty that you are afraid to talk about it out loud because surely you must be crazy to have kept company with someone like that?
The one who doesn't just haunt your terrible dreams but your days, too?
The one that can still create a visceral reaction with a look or a word or even just being present?
The one that just keeps doing all of the rotten things we aren't supposed to do as humans and the Universe doesn't seem to notice?
For your sake, I hope you are reading this and your mind can only think of "the good one." That would please me. That is nice when it happens. That you don't have "the bad one." If, by chance, you do have "the bad one" in your life...presently or in the past...just know you are not alone. I have to believe that one day, they get what they are supposed to get.
