Stories...are we on day 10?

Given a lovely gift today. An amazing reminder...again...that we all have stories. That we are all on a path...some of us where it is light and some where it is dark. That even the light and dark can vary minute to minute, hour to hour, day to day....etc.

A long discussion with a friend I haven't seen in 25 years. Lots of great honesty and insight. Humbling. Eye opening. Heartening.

Not one of us can decide who is right and who isn't and what is right and what isn't. (Aside from the obvious. We all know that being kind to ourselves and to one another is the right thing.) But, beyond that basic fact, what is "right" is so completely up to each one of us on any particular day or in any particular situation. So, today, I was reminded, again, that empathy and compassion are the two emotions that will take me to where I am supposed to be. And, in the meantime, will be my comfort and strength.

My story can run parallel or perpendicular....or even criss cross yours. Doesn't make either one of us "finished." Every day is an opportunity to be better, learn something, touch someone, make a difference.

As someone who has (ahem...is) been in the throes of the battle of depression and anxiety...my least favorite question is...the following: "Soooooo, how are you?" It is typically asked in a sort of sing-song tone. It is most often well intentioned...and, for me, it is makes me immediately defensive. Even when my rational mind can point out to my emotional mind that this person is asking because he or she really cares...it still is most often like a toothpick to the eye.

Yup. I know that it is my issue. Maybe if you left the damned "Sooooooo...." off of the front of the question, I wouldn't immediately throw up the defenses. (Probably not...but it definitely makes the hair on the back of my neck stand up.)
The "sooooooo" feels like you think there is something wrong with me and you are trying to warn me that you are going to ask me about what that is?
No. I am not at a place where I can see and hear the "sooooo" as just a place filler while you get up the courage to ask the complicated one if she is any less complicated....but it is most certainly a goal for me.

It seems like such a simple goal. Just try to understand that I am working toward atime when I hear that question, I hear it for exactly what it is. A simple inquiry from someone who cares about me as to how I am. For now, in the place where I am, I have managed to make it some kind of accusation. Again...yes. My rational mind knows it is well-intentioned. Just working to bring the rest of my mind to the place where it knows it, too.


Yesterday, my (almost!) 19 year old son asked if I had time to come down to school (15 minutes away) to have lunch with him. "I miss my Mom." The text stopped me in my tracks. Literally. Just like a text in the middle of an uneventful day from the best man I know..."Love you. Can't wait to get home tonight to see you." Each a reminder that I do matter very much to some very special people. My path is taking me to the place where my heart accepts that fact completely. My path to wholehearted living. Not that I won't ever second guess or doubt or question...but that I won't be suprised by the words.

I am so grateful to this 40 day project that gives me a place to say things I wouldn't say otherwise. For each of you who read this....thank you. For each of you sharing the journey...my deepest gratitude for the ride.


Day 10...I think? Out.