Eighteen.

So, I was reminded today, that the people who are in your life are there for a reason. It may feel sometimes that they don't belong there. Or, even they that DO belong there when they are not there. But...they are there when they are supposed to be. Sometimes, they go away. For a little while. Or a long while. They stay safely kept in your heart but aren't there physically. But they reappear just when they are supposed to do so.
I think it is a confirmation that you are good when an old friendship can pick up where it left off without anyone needing to fight or blame or sulk. That the natural flow just picks right back up. That you get that I never stopped caring...I was simply tending to other pieces or people in my life. I never stopped caring or loving or missing you...but you did what you did and I did what I did...and we can celebrate today that we are back in each other's lives.
I am imperfect. You are, too. And together...we make one another better.

I have wasted so much energy over the years being mad...or holding a grudge. I want my heart to hold only the good stuff. I don't want the bad stuff. It is poison. And, for so long, I was living with it in my heart and my soul...and it served no purpose except to make me sick. And tired. It isn't who I am and it isn't who I want to be. I just want to take care of me and you when you need me. I want to make your life better by being a part of it. I want you to lean into me when you need to do so, tell me to shut up when you need to do so and crash on my couch with no questions asked when you need to do so.
I want something you say to change the course of my day. Not every day. I don't mean to impose any pressure. I just want to fill my life with those that want to know me....warts and all. I want to stop in my tracks for my love for you. I want you to know that you can trust me. That if I can, I will. And, just as importantly, that I am strong enough that if I can't, I will tell you. I am not going to fake it...because that is wrong..for both of us.

So, if you will let me...I will give me completely to you. In whatever way I am supposed to do so....I will offer my gifts to you. And, in return, I will accept yours...with grace and humility.

Today...I know a little more about me that I did yesterday. And, I am really starting to like me.