I guess if writing were easy, everyone would do it, right? I am really surprised at the fact that not even a third of the way into this commitment...I feel like my creativity has been sealed up behind some locked door?
Umhmmm...I understand that I am my own worst enemy...if it is sealed up, then I can't write about it...riiiiiiight?
Yeah, I get it.
Which is why you are reading these words.
Knock, knock.
Nudge, nudge.
Shove, shove...I will get that damned door opened.
Because it is Day 12 and there is lots to say. I am just hoping that each day offers a little bit more strength and courage to find it, name it and say it.
You know what I do find easy?
Losing my patience.
Eating chocolate.
Drinking wine.
Loving the smell that a baby leaves behind on my shoulder.
Forgetting to take my multivitamin.
Assuming the worst.
Making people laugh.
Not taking my own advice.
LTM network...mindless, yet so easy.
Saying "yes" because it is easier than "no.
Holding a grudge.
Giving an explanation instead of simply saying "thank you."
Doing the laundry....just not taking it upstairs when it is finished.
Seeing my flaws.
Finding the reason not to instead of just fucking doing it.
Being surprised...every time...by how much it stings to be judged. (or imagine being judged)
Finding excuses.
The complete connection to who I really am while near the ocean. Any ocean. In it, next to it, smelling it, hearing it, feeling it, relaxing completely to the rhythm of it.
Cooking.
You know what I want to be easy?
Getting through it. With love and kindness and breathing.
Waiting that extra second or two to speak before I should.
Listening...really listening.
Being OK with this day. This place on the journey.
Finding where I am supposed to be...what my heart's work is.
Getting it. (Not the dirty version of that but the "big picture" version of it.)
Being good enough.
Learning how to be better every single day.
Patience.
Gratitude.
Giving.
Alright my friends, 12 is in. I shoved my shoulder into the door and a little bit came out. See you tomorrow. I plan to shove a little harder.
With love and gratitude...
i am going to go get the laundry and take it upstairs.
A lot came out.
ReplyDeleteMy friend Jacqui said something recently about how so much of what we struggle with, is that battle between who we really are and who we've become.
We struggle with who we've become because we truly know, through our Spirit, who we are. Your work and your writing are strengthening your connection with Who You Are. And who you are, as someone who knows you very well, Frikkin Rocks.