FOUR

Wow. I was excited about today being an even number. I thought I might even get up the nerve to write about the bear. Maybe even include a picture?

But, today ended up being a very different day than I had hoped. I guess that happens often, no?

Parenting.
When they are babies, you long for sleep.
When they are toddlers, you long for quiet.
When they are tweeners, you long for peace.
When they are teenagers, you long for respect.

But through it all, you just want them to be OK. To be better than you were. To make it safely to adulthood making sound decisions...or having sound mind to call for help when they don't. You want to be such a good parent that they wouldn't even think about doing some of the stuff you did to (or without the knowledge of) your own "dumb" parents. Yup. I am now living as the "dumb" parent. The one who was so sure that being strict and loving and firm and fun...all rolled up into one meant that I would be doing the right thing? I don't even know what that means. The right thing.

How do make a child-of any age-understand that you ache for the love of them? That you would do anything to keep them safe? To make them not hurt? To not get sick? That when you stories otherwise...a piece of your own heart gets torn away...never to return. That the unimaginable is just that? How do you convince someone who feels they are infallible that no human is?

You have to let them go. Trust they will choose correctly. But...when they don't...and you are lucky enough to have it just be shocking and disappointing and scary instead of unimaginable and permanent...do you tighten the leash? Or just hug them tightly and have the talk AGAIN?


My parents did it with six kids. SIX KIDS. We tortured those two people. And, they still love all of us, and our own kids, with everything that they have.

So, for me today....I am going to hug a little tighter, watch a little more closely, listen to what is said and unsaid and send a prayer to the Universe that I have two healthy teenagers. And that they will use the gifts given them and not take for granted one single thing. Because...all you have to do is look around and find that there are lots of people that can tell you that it can all be gone in a single moment.